We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

The Fallout

by Loose Changeling

supported by
Lexi
Lexi thumbnail
Lexi Painfully relatable album but so well put together, really love this <3 Favorite track: Trying to Stay Sober.
/
1.
Pretty Girls 01:45
A pretty girl at the bus stop She smiles at me and I look away A handsome butch at the book shop She winks at me and my knees give way A schoolgirl crush tearing through me My fragile heart's inside my throat I look in the mirror, so beastly And hide myself inside my coat I look away, I look away I look away, I look away Can't take the disdain to let things slip So pitiful, a person of Such freakishness, forming a friendship? This lust has got me lost for love Your face is all but perfection I want to see your eyes light with joy But I simply see my reflection: A broken sissy faggot boy I look away, I look away I look away, I look a– Sometimes I think I could ask you out A casual date could be good for my health But how can I ask you to be with me When I don't want to be with myself?
2.
You and I were rebounds Well, that's not quite true to say of you But it's true enough as background It was complicated and you were frustrated And I was feeling beat down I got hurt hard-ly and I knew hardly Anyone else in this town I needed a bed to rest my heart and head Tell me Was our relationship ever anything other than a trophy to hold over her? You knew how to fuck me It hit the spot and that helped a lot It was an erotic poetry And your tender touch helped me so much But when you and she got ugly You wanted to subvert us, use me to hurt her More than you could love me But now I'm done, I won't be your gun Tell me... It's never too late to fall in love And feel your heart break like a dying dove And feel the peace ripped from your chest It's never good enough when you try your best...
3.
I still know how to kiss you And occasionally I miss you And in my nightmares it is still you God, I hope I didn't kill you Are you a vision or a memory? A love song or a eulogy? A strange unyielding mystery? I wish you'd show me Signs of life! My heart's in overdrive My mind is in a nosedive Is there a way I can survive With all my lovers left alive? I don't know how to make sense Of my failed adolescence The regrets that always haunt me Anxious spectres of our story Am I a villain or a victim here? The kicking of a baby queer Am I the monster that I fear? I'm looking here for Signs of life... And I won't apologise Because I don't know how to But I hope you recognise I was as lost with you As without you... My heart's in overdrive...
4.
Why must death be so ubiquitous? Breaks my heart that's filled with childishness For when you end a life with insignificance My memories fade to inconsequence And it makes me all so very numb And I know the worst is yet to come Why must love be so impermanent? Shooting stars traversing the firmament And it breaks me down, leaving me delicate You'd think by now that I could handle it But it makes me all so very numb And I know the worst is yet to come
5.
I am trying to stay sober For a couple hours One lonely Friday afternoon I am trying to stave off the Desperation And hoping to see you soon And I wish you would come home to me And that we had a home to go home to And I wish you would forgive me Even though I didn't do anything wrong to you I am trying to stay hopeful For a couple hours In this cold unfeeling air I am trying to keep away From my depression Killing time and despair And I wish you would come home to me 'Cause you and I could be a perfect pair And I hope you really miss me Even though I cannot bring myself to care I am trying to stay horny For a couple hours Addicted to the sweat I am trying to replace the Senseless fucking That would keep me warm in bed And I wish you would come home to me And that we had a home to go home to And I wish you would forgive me Even though I didn't do anything wrong to you
6.
You could have been a bit more honest Or a better liar You could have told me you'd replaced me That I wasn't desired But you left me an afterthought So rip out my heart to see it rot You've got her, she's got you And I'm no longer required But It's the grim little chores that get to me The awful specifics A love affair reduced to papers A dispassionate business You wrote to me on letterhead Like my soldier son had turned up dead Well, I'd like to think I left more impression Than just fucking logistics While I replace all my human contact With self-pollution She's out there fighting the good fight It's her contribution But I cannot stand to think of her Reminding me of what we were So my romantic fallout is hindering The revolution
7.
I've been broken Since I was seventeen But I just keep it clean Don't want to make a scene I don't want to Make my mother cry So I just falsify The happy butterfly, and All my lovers They all left me No one to ask me Down on bended knee, I Wish I'd stayed there Alone and broken Wish I'd stayed there With all my pain and scars unspoken In the dark days I trace the history No point in sophistry Because it's not a mystery, but I have to wonder In this bitter sunrise With how I'm compromised Would you recognise me? I've got to ask you Could it have been better? I would write a letter But don't want to upset ya I know I left it Alone and broken I know I left it With all my pain and scars unspoken
8.
Doctors broke my jaw today It didn't hurt a bit And then they put it back again Doctors broke my jaw today It made me feel like shit But soon I'll be as right as rain Doctors broke my jaw today Reflection's all amiss And I'm a nervous fucking wreck Doctors broke my jaw today A surgeon's brutal kiss Oh, how I wish they'd break my neck Doctors broke my jaw today Surrounded me with men My tragic XY future in this place Doctors broke my jaw today I wish I could know when I'll stand to look my mirror in the face Doctors broke my jaw today And shattering as well My fragile adolescent sense of self Doctors broke my jaw today And sent me into hell Chose my dental over mental health

about

An album about relationships, feeling broken and trying to navigate your own baggage. If you're my ex you might want to give this one a miss.

content warnings:
1. internalised transphobia, transphobic/homophobic slurs
2. unhealthy relationships
3. early relationships, feelings of guilt and the uncertainty that comes with falling out of touch
4. death, love, and the general Damoclean queer experience
5. isolation, mixed feelings and the struggle not to fall into bad coping strategies for such
6. navigating difficult social situations after a breakup
7. just generally feeling broken
8. that time I had maxillofacial surgery as a 17-year old closet transsexual

credits

released July 22, 2019

license

tags

about

Loose Changeling Nottingham, UK

trans pop songstress

one half of quarriesandcorridors.bandcamp.com

contact / help

Contact Loose Changeling

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

Loose Changeling recommends:

If you like Loose Changeling, you may also like: